A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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