You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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