Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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