opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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