yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
