Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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