like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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