He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
