there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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