In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
