At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
