She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
