nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
