yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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