I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
