I'd wear matching sweaters with you
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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