I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
