Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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