I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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