im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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