So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
