Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
