Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
