life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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