she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
