i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
