at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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