Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
