How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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