i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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