...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize