I wish I could punch you in the face.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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