nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
