If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
