i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
