All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
