I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
