I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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