I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
