So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
