why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
