dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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