I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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