Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
