Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
