Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize