Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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