i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
