I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
