Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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