it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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