I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
