Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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