i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
