I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
