I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
