Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize