So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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