dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
