I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
