So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i can't believe i had my finger in that
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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