Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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