You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
