guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
