Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
