you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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