I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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