There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so let's talk penis.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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