Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
