I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
