I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
