I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
