a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
