we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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