I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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