I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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