So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
