he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
