I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
