another moral hangover. fuck.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
