A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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